Rejection

I was a member of the Drama club in High School. I auditioned for every show. Freshman year, I was so excited just to see my name on the cast list. It didn't matter that it was under Ensemble, I was in a show! Sophomore year, I started to hope a little more. I was confident in my auditions and I stayed up all night, unable to sleep, with thoughts of the cast list running through my head. When my name appeared as an extra in the fall show I was a little sad, but I was cast so why did it matter if I didn't get a lead? The spring show, I was a little more upset because I was the only tapper without a name, but at least I was still a tapper. Junior year, I began to become legitimately upset at the "Chorus" castings, especially when those younger than me began getting parts. It was disheartening to hear nothing but praise after an audition and see nothing come of it.

The biggest heart break came spring of senior year. We were doing Beauty and the Beast. I was a senior in the top choir, I had to get a name. I didn't even ask for a large role. I asked to be a Silly Girl. I was confident. My audition was the best I'd ever done. Our costumer (who is brutally honest to everyone) complimented my audition. The "elite" group seemed impressed by my audition. Sleep didn't come that night. My body trembled as I walked down to the drama hallway that morning. I had never been so sure of a name part. I started at the top and skimmed down. The lower I got on the list, the further my heart sank. Three names from the bottom, I found mine - Fork. I nearly burst into tears. To be so excited about something, so sure and to have it torn from you just like that is heart breaking. It didn't help that my friend was fuming over not getting cast as Belle, when she was cast as the feather duster, a part that was perfect for her.

I mean come on, at least she wasn't a fork.

I faced a lot of rejection and failed a lot in High School. Whether it was not getting parts in shows, not being elected for an officer position, not getting a solo in choir, not making it into the top choir, or not advancing at Solo & Ensemble they all hurt, but I never stopped trying. After all, I did succeed a few times. I ended up making the top choir Senior year, I got 1's at Solo & Ensemble for duets, and managed to get a solo. There were occasional successes, and they felt fantastic. And while I felt worse and worse with every failure, at least I'm not living in regret for not having tried. "What if"s are always worst than "no"s.